It’s amazing the amount of shit that gets kicked up when you find yourself in a position where you actually need other people to help you out in some way… It switches the lights on, that’s for sure.
I always had a feeling that I was somewhat of a slave to asanas in a way. Sure, yoga was doing huge amounts for my mind and my consciousness – I was becoming clearer and clearer and more and more intuitive, but if you never actually act on those intuitive feelings, then what’s the point in all that practice? What’s the point in being alive?
Yoga’s not about doing the practice and then going straight back into your existence as yet another human drone in the world… What you realise from doing yoga is that the only thing that matters is that you’re aware of yourself and by extension, everyone else. You’re aware that everyone needs to be looked after. Everyone wants love, everyone wants forgiveness for all their fuck-ups, everyone in actual fact wants to get off their high horses and feel like they’re a part of humanity for once. No-one likes to feel below or everyone – or above everyone for that matter. The thing is no-one wants to be seperate from everyone else. And yoga makes you realise how deeply connected we already are.
Which makes it difficult for me to talk about what I really want to talk about. I’m pretty sure I’ve disappeared a bit too far up my own arse for anyone to get properly close to me. I often get glimpses of what it would feel like to be really connected to the people I come accross, but they’re only fleeting glimpses most of the time. Apart from recently when I was immobilised from my injury…
It was like existence was much deeper and everything from the darkness outside my bedroom and the insistent patter of rain on the ground outside wasn’t happening just for it’s own sake. It was all imbued with meaning. And I felt deeply connected to it.
Anyway. It switched the lights on.
I really struggle with all that seemingly basic stuff. All I want is to feel connected…
Man, I don’t even feel inspired to write about it… I want to but the feeling’s not there. Which is the problem. I’m gonna go and get myself sorted out.
Cheers,
Ryan.
Just heard a quote from Wayne Dyer today that resonated:
“I am connected to everything that’s missing in my life.” So I guess it helped change my perspective a bit and say ‘it’s/they are here’ rather than it’s/they’re not here. It’s hard to describe the feeling it evoked, but it’s a nice one!
Thinking of you anyway….
By: Imelda on July 20, 2008
at 7:51 pm
Perfectionism!
I guess we all suffer from it to some degree…
there’s nothing ‘wrong’ with wanting to develop something to a high standard, unless we are telling ourselves that we are not ‘good enough’ unless or until we reach the goal; as then it becomes the never-ending challenge, the one we never allow ourselves to achieve – because when we eventually get there, it’s not like we thought it would be; or we think we don’t know how to handle it or whatever. And so we construct yet another goal – and so on ( I’ve spent quite a few years in this loop , so I’m speaking from personal experience)
Anyway, my point is that doing something purely for enjoyment – without any regard for level of achievement or attainment of goal is very liberating and actually leaves you feeling very good, carefree and light…(for a while!)
By: helen on July 23, 2008
at 8:23 am
Hi Helen,
I know I’ve took a while to reply here but I’ve had plenty enough on my mind…
I don’t really think it was like that for me. I mean, I loved doing yoga to as high a standard as I could and I really did love the journey as opposed to the destination – that’s the thing with yoga (as wth any other art) it’s never a destination – always a journey. The problem with me was that the train I was journeying on crashed and I had to try and find another train!
In the meantime I’ve found a not bad looking minibus in the form of Bikram yoga, it’s not as punctual as the tantra yoga train, but it’s always available to me. And it does kinda get me from A to B… I’m still on the lookout for other methods of transport though!
Thanks.
By: Ryan on July 27, 2008
at 9:41 pm