The last couple of weeks for me have been pretty chaotic.  I’m pretty convinced it’s to do with the energy of the solstice knocking things out of whack in order for them to be rebuilt in a way which is more in alignment with my own deepest desires, etc.  And the same would apply to anyone else open to that kind of enegry.

So it’s manifested in various ways for me – most notably in an injruy I’ve had getting so bad that I actually lost my ability to walk on 2 occasions… Very scary stuff.  It looks like my hip joint was so swollen and tender that I couldn’t put any weight on it at all.  This is because of all the yoga I’ve been doing.  But there’s very deep lessons going on here.  Very deep indeed.

The thing is, I’ve been placing almost all my energy into doing yoga these days.  It’s an art for which I’ve completely fell in love with which has taught me huge amounts about myself, the human body, consciousness and life – allowing me to not only experience it for myself but to also observe it within myself and figure out how it all works.  I’ve became obsessed with all that and I haven’t felt the slightest bit guilty about that particular relationship.  But my body has spoken up to me in a very clear and direct way to tell me that doing yoga is great, amazing infact, but if you’re not focusing on all areas of your life, then your doing yoga is also going to highlight the disease within yourself.  And this is what’s happened.

I think my yoga obsession has revealed that I need to spend more time practicing my skills as a musician and much more importantly – I have to place myself in more situations where I have the opportunity to listen to my own urges.  In other words – give myself more opportunities for myself to talk to people I don’t know, start building more relationships and having sex more often.

I have had this intuition plenty of times when doing yoga – what usually happens is I know my body’s teeming with energy and I know I feel healthy, but if I don’t engage my mind in meditation during this experience, then the enegry’s useless.  It sits there like a stagnant pond, doing nothing.  But the very instant I choose to become aware by focusing on the center of my forehead, or the center of my chest, I’ll get a huge uprush of energy cleaning out my chakras and giving me a tremendous expanded awareness.  And all I’m doing is choosing to be aware.  But this is the equivalent of aligning yourself with the force of creation.  The highest thing that humans have the ability to do is to make decisions – in other words, free will.  Exercising your free will at any time will instantly transport you to a higher state of consciousness and help you to become more able to manifest whatever you want in life.  And that’s what meditation is – making the choice to become aligned with that.

I’m worried though.  I’m worried that I can’t do all that stuff without the help of yoga.  Before I started doing yoga (and tai chi before that) I never really felt able to manifest much because I never spent much time in my life manifesting anything at all.  I spent my whole life being told what to do by school teachers, parents and feeling as though other people controlled me in some way.  Since I started doing yoga, things changed.  Suddenly I was realising the way things had been in the past and that all I need to do now is to make the decision to go with whatever I was feeling and create whatever it is I want to create.

I have a deeper feeling than this worry too though.  I have a feeling that in reality, whatever it is I end up doing – however things pan out in the next few weeks regarding my yoga practice, I’ll still be doing yoga of some description.  Being meditative while practicing yoga has made me more mindful anyway and this has had a definate effect on the way I see the world now.  Things are much much clearer.

I believe that everything happens for a reason and I believe in divine will.  I believe that I started doing yoga because I needed to learn an art which would teach me directly how to create in the world – the stuff nobody taught me in the past because they were never aware themselves.  Now that I’ve had a good taste of that, I’m freer to explore it and start creating myself. 

It feels like a fine balance though.  One the one hand all this energy I have is making me feel a little spacey and unhealthy because I can’t really do yoga at the moment and this is causing my energy to stagnate a little.  So I don’t want to throw myself too vigorously into some kind of healing escapade too quickly, although I think I could do with this.  I need to look at what areas of my body are needing healing (my upper back on the right has a nasty knot if tension in and and there’s also my left hip and sacroiliac which were making me immobile in the first place) and get them sorted out.  I’ve already been recommended a super cranial osteopath and I go back to see my GP next week for x-ray results… On the other hand, I don’t want to be lazy and not put enough energy into these things that I know I now need.  I need the attention adn help of other people to bring me through this in as slick and healthy a way as I can possibly muster at the moment.  And it’s funy people are suddenly appearing in my life I haven’t spoke to in a while!  They’re obviously there for a good reason – they’re there to help me somehow and I’m sure I may have something to offer them aswell.  It’s a beautiful thing.

I guess in reality though, what will end up happening as usual is the happy medium of things panning out nicely.  It’s a scary time for me at the moment because I’m having all this familiar stuff stripped away from me.  It’s like a big test, this.  And I’m scared because I’ve never been in this situation before.  But I’m very very positive that I’ll come out the other end in a much healthier state all round than what I was like before.  I’m completely convinced that it’ll make me a more rounded, balanced and healthier person.

Ok that’s enough of all that.  I think I’ve made my point!  Any comments are welcome…

Thanks for reading – more soon.

Ry.

PS: This website seems to illustrate everything going on with me so perfectly, it’s uncanny – http://www.whatsuponplanetearth.com  Go to the “energy alerts” section…  well worth a look.