I’ve been feeling a distinct sense of restlessness recently…  I haven’t quite put my finger on what it’s all about but I have a few ideas.  It may have something to do with my yoga class disappearing for a while, while my teacher studies in Thailand with her Swami (lucky her), but I think it’s more to do with a sense of nothing really happening. 

It’s as though my higher self is saying, “Umm… there’s nothing happening here.  There’s nothing going on.  No movement.  Come on Ryan, you’re gonna have to move!”  And I reckon I know exactly what to do.

I did try another yoga class over in Partick (the same place as where my usual class is) and was kinda disappointed with it.  There was no depth to it, really.  But I did tune into the energy of Partick, which I always do while I’m there.

The thing is, it feels like home to me.  There’s such an openness there.  It’s like as soon as I come off the train and head up the street towards Dumbarton Road, my head feels like it expands hugely and connects to everything around me.  I don’t get this anywhere else!  I’m gonna have to follow this sign.

The thing is though, there’s a more fundamental question to answer here.  I’ve been considering the possibility of quitting my job for quite a while now and becoming some kind of struggling, creative type for a while.  Idealistically, this would be amazing and there are some people who, even though they struggle financially, they still love the lifestyle.  I’m not sure if it’s for me though.

When I initially moved away from home 3 years ago to live in this flat near my workplace, the main reason for moving out was to get the hell away from my parents and become as independent as I could.  And I’ve manifested that reality very well if I do say so myself.  But now, things are changing…  I could still use the stability and the thought of the worst happening and me becoming homeless through lack of cash or (even worse) having to live at home again fills me with dread.  I’m in a good, well paid job now, so why change that?  You can’t have everything in life, but you may aswell try and get as much as you can! 

So, I think this constant thinking of whether to quit or not has to come to a stop.  I need a resolution on this.  If I’m to quit and become a creative, then so be it, but the alternative is to become more stable, get a nice place in Partick (to buy not to rent – another part of this conundrum is that it costs a bit more to rent over there than it does where I am…) and continue any creative stuff over there to the best of my ability.  Even though it will be harder to do so while in my current job which narrows my vision a fair bit.

One more part of the puzzle is that if I do move over there, then I’ll need a car.  I’ll need it to cover any night work I may be required to do and also for any on call stuff.  I could easily be required to come in at night to do something, and it’s not going to be possible to get a train in at half 3 on a sunday morning…  Although my team leader mentioned a while back the possibility of me getting a hire car while I’m on call and using that to come into work aswell as for covering any callouts I get.  That would come in extremely handy.  I spoke to my TL about it and he’s going to see if I’m eligible for it.  So that’s in progress…

Sigh.

TBH, I wouldn’t be surprised if folk are reading this thinking, “I’m really not following his gist here… what the hell is he on about?” but that’s the nature of it… it’s a multifaceted thing.  I’m sure it’ll smooth itself over in the months ahead, but clearly there’s stuff afoot.  I just need to get some kind of ball rolling on it.

Incidentally, I catched a fleeting insight earlier as I was thinking about it.  The whole idea of abundance and how I attract it into my life.  It’s as though I’ve been blocking it by saving my money as opposed to spending it on stuff (like a house…) and maybe there’s some aspect of whether I deserve it or not.  The thing is I’m convinced that if I do move to Partick, buy a house and a car, not only would I be able to afford it on my current income, I’d also attract a vast amount of great stuff into my life.

As per my usual mindset though, I think I’ll wait till I hear from my TL about the hire car situation and see what happens. 

Knowing me I’ll end up doing it though.    Eventuallly…